Mamas

A few years ago my parents were living at my sister's house in south Georgia. They had been there for a while, but he was becoming more of a danger to himself. Papa was in the throes of Alzheimer's and Mama was trying to figure out what the best next step would be. 

I remember being there while she was thinking about it... It was difficult. Papa never wanted to leave their house at all, much less live in a place for Alzheimer's patients. And, I know Mama wished she and Papa could've stayed at home, too.

She asked me what I thought... I don't remember what I told her, but I remember her clearly saying "It's times like these I wish I could talk to my mother."  My mother was in her 80's at the time and my grandmother had been gone for almost 40 years...

And, still... my mother wanted her mother.

Just like I wish MY mother was here today. 

Every time life gets a little "tough," first I think about how I wish I could call her... and then I think about how she used to feel the same way.

I reckon there's just somethin' about mamas that won't ever go away.

Oh man! We had some kinda fun in Maui hangin' with my college friend, Carol and her husband, Matt! We sat around. We watched whales. We ate good food. We saw some good scenery. We watched the Seahawks win and momentarily bonded with other condo people who are also fans. We just had fun bein' together.

Unfortunately, Harv experienced pretty intense shoulder and neck pain while we were there. Mostly at night.  He's been having this pain for a while and has had an MRI and tried to find relief through acupuncture,  physical therapy, & medical massage. Most of those things provided some relief, but nothing has helped long-term.

When we got back I emailed his liver surgeon because I wondered if there might be some correlation to his prior surgery and the pain in his neck/shoulder. I had read that nerves in the intestinal area sometimes refer pain to the neck/shoulder. Some of you keep up with me on FB and you saw my post about how quickly he responded when I emailed him. I was shocked....and quite impressed. He indicated that on Harv's most recent scan that there are nodules near or on his diaphragm. When we last saw Dr. Lin, he had not received the written report from radiology and was reading the scan as we met with him. I don't recall any information about the nodules, but was not totally surprised that they are there. Dr. Park thinks that it's possible that those nodules are referring the pain to his neck/shoulder.

So, he sent an email to Dr. Lin and now the ball is rolling to get a more recent scan. We also saw Dr. Nestor, his local oncologist, and he has prescribed some topical cream that may (or may not) help his pain...as well as some other pain meds -- at least until we are able to get the scan and determine next steps.

Dr. Park said that sometimes targeted radiation is possible, but that they have to be pretty careful because the colon is so close. It's possible that they can do a nerve block. And, there may be a possibility of involving a pain management team. 

While I'm not necessarily excited about the news of nodules, I do like the thought of resolving the pain issue. Hopefully, it can be taken care of quickly so Harv can get some good rest at night. It's been a long time since he's had good sleep. 

We would appreciate your thoughts and prayers and good vibes as we try to solve this puzzle. And, I would appreciate your thoughts, prayers and good vibes as I try to turn my brain off. 

Thanks for tuning in. I'll try to keep you posted as we know things.

Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, I moved the covers ever-so-gently 'cause I have a sore foot... I thought to myself how heavy those covers are. And, I didn't think it in a good way at first and then I realized that I am very, very fortunate to have heavy covers....especially these past few days.

I started thinking about the things I am thankful for... And then I thought I should make a list of all the wonderful things that are a part of my life. The list that follows is only partial... Too many blessings to count...

• Harvey -- that he's here again this year...that he is my husband and the father of my children
• the medical professionals that have worked and are working to extend his life and have done an amazing job so far
• my sister, Laura's, medical team who are continuing to work to improve her health and that the current treatment seems to be working
• Sarah's and Hannah's teachers, coaches and friends
• Celeste's friends and co-workers 
• my friends - walkin' buddies, fellow foodies, Facebook friends, friends I see in person and friends I don't get to see enough...and even friends I'm still gettin' to know better.
• Sehome Cross Country -- for the blessings that my girls have had through it and for all the friends I've made through it... Cross Country Mamas forever!
• my family -- sisters, brother, sister-in-law and brother-in-law, nieces, nephews, cousins, and those who feel like family even though we're not technically related (Leesburg peeps and others who have been a support to our whole family -- especially during the last six years)
• good food -- and plenty of it
• a warm bed with plenty of covers
• a sweet and amazing dog-child who has made my life richer than I ever even imagined was possible 
• two sweet kitties...and our sweet, bad kitty Reba who went to animal heaven this year.
• where I live -- my city and my home -- we are surrounded by beautiful forests, the endless ocean, and enormous mountains...
• being able to travel freely to places near and far... and the gift of new French friends. :-)
• the blessing of lifelong friends
• really wonderful neighbors
• reliable transportation
• toys, all kindsa toys
• books -- REAL ones and electronic ones
• K-Boards.com 
• my eyes (and the blessing of being able to have glasses now that I need 'em) and ears and working fingers and toes... 
• overall good health even though I'm reaching the age where the warranty has expired and things are starting to show signs of wear and tear
• the woods and trails near us -- & the fresh air that goes with 'em
• plenty of clothes to wear
• creativity
• a washing machine and dryer
• a working indoor bathroom with a warm shower 
• memories of good parents
• music
• quiet
• conversations with people I love
• good in-laws... :-)
• pieces of the past that live on in my house
• family recipes
• celebrations
• children that have brought lots of joy
• the little "boring" moments of life
• laughter
• a really good life -- in spite of moments I would not have chosen if I were directing the play...

No tellin' what the next year will bring, but I know it will include more blessings than I'll be able to count.

Here's wishing you all a very happy 2015 with bounteous blessings, great love, and an abundance of peace & hope & joy.

Silent Pondering...

For a few days before Christmas Eve I wrestled with myself about going to the Christmas Eve service at church. It was partly because we always have appetizers for dinner on Christmas Eve (and watch "It's a Wonderful Life") which always makes me feel rushed after the service to get things ready. But it was also because I have a struggle going on inside of me pretty much all of the time about my faith...or my doubts.

I knew I was going to go because it's what our family does. And, I knew I was gonna go 'cause it would seem wrong if everybody went and Mama didn't. But I really didn't want to go. I whined to Harv a little bit but mostly I whined inside my head. I knew it was pointless to whine 'cause I knew I was gonna go, but whining happened anyway.

Let me pause here to say that I was not raised with "worship teams" and electric guitars and drums in church. I didn't ever really have a problem with it, but that wasn't how we did it... When we started going to our current church, we chose the "rockin'" service 'cause we thought our girls would more likely go to Sunday school where they had a friend .... and that happened to be during the  "rockin'" service. Before you know it, I grew to really like the music at that service.

So, on Christmas Eve we arrived at church to hear "Joy to the World" with some good beat in the background... 

I can't explain this to you -- and I don't really understand it myself -- but I am a girl filled with doubts, cynicism, frustrations, and many questions... and yet there are times (you've heard me mention occasions like this before) when I hear music (and it can be all different kindsa music) and I am totally moved beyond explanation. I still have doubts. I still whine. I still fidget and get all cynical...but somewhere deep inside of me is a piece that has some faith... and music often leads me there.

That faith has no clear definition for me, but it makes me know that there is a God.  He's bigger and stronger and deeper than I can comprehend. If my brain starts to go to places like virgin birth or resurrection or "only one way" I get befuddled... but way deep in my soul -- the part of my soul where music touches me -- I know that there's a God. And sometimes that knowledge is too sacred to put to words... Sometimes I just need to silently ponder that He is there. 

Long story short, I left the service feeling a little calmer in my soul and thankful for the richness that is our congregation. I certainly don't understand it all, but God is there...in the people, in the music, in my soul...

Chances are, I will have a little battle within me again, but I hope that I remember where He is for me...and I hope when I need Him to calm me, I remember to look for Him there.

Many blessings to you all this holiday season and in the year to come.

Yesterday it seemed like Harv's system was waking up a little bit. So he had a scrambled egg for breakfast and one later in the day. And, for dinner, he ate some rice and a piece of chicken... The day also included chewing gum and trying to stay well hydrated.

Then yesterday evening and this morning, it seemed like things were slowing down... So we reverted to liquids.

He had an appointment with his family doctor today and basically, he said he feels confident things will work themselves out and that Harv needs to pay attention to what his body is saying. When things don't feel like they're moving, then he should go to liquids only... Then slowly start to add low-residue foods and see how that goes. Kinda like take a step forward and then go backwards if need be... and then repeat until his system feels normal again for an extended period.

He said it's not likely that they'll go the route of surgery. Surgery is a last resort because more abdominal surgery will cause more scar tissue which could cause more obstructions. And, who wants that?! 

So, we're just moving slowly... which means, most likely, that Harv won't get to fully participate in Christmas food hoopla like he would like. But, in my not-so-humble opinion it's better to have a boring food Christmas than to end up in the hospital again.

Today feels better than the other day.

I told a friend of mine "thank you for puttin' up with me." 'cause there are some moments when I'm feeling like I might bust with all the "what if's" and then the next minute, I might feel fine. I suppose that might be what happens when sickness hits a house. Not sure. But I know it can mess my brain up.  ("Oh, the noise! The noise, noise, noise, noise!,")

Merry Christmas!

-chc

Not much has changed since Friday when I reported that Harv's system isn't really moving like we want it to... He's had beef broth, Gatorade, tea, jello, clear Ensure and water...and he has been chewing gum and walking (not at the same time, though. hahaha!).  He doesn't feel hungry. He hasn't had any pain or nausea either. So, we haven't called a doctor or gone to ER...

In an ideal world, his system would just begin unfolding itself or unblocking itself so that foods can pass normally...and maybe that will still happen.

If it doesn't happen, I suppose that surgery is a possibility. 

We are both hoping that surgery isn't necessary...'cause of Christmas and 'cause we have a trip scheduled somewhere fun and just 'cause who wants surgery?!

Doctor's appointment scheduled for Tuesday morning.

So, I'm throwing out another prayer request. Please pray that things resolve on their own. It'd be great if he started feeling hungry (a good sign) and it'd be great if he was able to begin processing actual food (low-residue first and then move onto regular stuff).

And, this wife of his would appreciate it if you would pray that I would be totally consumed with peace in spite of lots of unknowns. (I'm not fond of unknowns.... )

Thanks, y'all!

Go Seahawks! (Gonna watch the game soon.)

Happy Canniversary (a term a friend used the other day) to Harvey Chute. Three years ago today he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.... He's still fighting and he has not allowed cancer to win this war. GoFightWin, man that I love!