A year ago this week, Harv, Anthony, the girls, and I went to Kalaoch, WA on the  Olympic peninsula for our summer vacation. It's a spot that we have loved for many years. It's a wide-open beach, very few people... just big ocean and big beach. It's refreshing and lovely... All we do when we go there is hang out in the cabin and walk on the beach, take naps, build a fire in the fireplace, play some board games and eat... And then we repeat the next day.

We went to Kalaloch last summer after a series of doctor's appointments that seemed less and less hopeful and after learning about possible treatments that would be harder and harder for Harv to handle.

When we came back from Kalaloch, I told Harv that he didn't have to do any more treatments if he didn't want to. He said he didn't think he could.  And, we knew (and we didn't know) what that meant. 

Thus began the journey to our good-byes.

Every day since I lost Harv, I keep learning new things about why I miss him. You've read some of them before. You most likely knew him well enough to know some of those things for yourself. 

There aren't many men who are as kind and patient and generous as he was. I waited many, many years to meet that man...and he was worth the wait. He made me feel loved and appreciated and valued. He was my best friend.

It occurred to me recently that one of the things I've been missing is having him here to talk to. I could talk to Harv about anything. ANYTHING. And, he never stopped loving me. 

I have great friends. I have friends who I talk with about many things. I have wonderful children with whom I talk about many things. I have family with whom I talk about a wide range of topics. 

But Harv. With Harv, I could talk about EVERYTHING. I didn't have to filter things. I didn't have to worry about how I'd come across. I didn't have to worry about offending him with my opinions. I didn't have to tailor my discussions for his maturity level.  I didn't have to be careful with him because I knew he could handle whatever we talked about and I knew he loved me regardless.

That's what I'm missing these days. 

My soul mate. 

My confidant. 

My best friend.