Grief is such a strange thing. I can go for weeks without many tears and then one day, they just overflow and sometimes it doesn't seem like they'll stop.
It also must induce a type of fear or something too... fear of trying new things (that could be innate in me, though), fear of moving ahead, fear of the unknown.
I keep thinking of so many things that I think would be fun or adventurous or smart to try, but I just can't move forward. I dream of a new baby puppy, but I'm sort of scared to take that on all by myself. I dream of a part-time job, but how do I even go out and let the world know that they need me on their team? I dream of downsizing and finding a house and yard that is more compact, but how do I even begin to get this house ready to sell?
It seems like the WISE thing to do is to proceed with caution... I mean, it hasn't even been very long since Harv died. And, in some ways it's just now hittin' me.
In the midst of a giant life-change for her, I remember Laura telling me that someone told her not to make any big decisions for a year. That seems right to me...and yet, I kinda feel antsy and like I need to DO something.
One or more of my children have said to just make one decision and then the rest will fall into place. I'm pretty sure that's right, too.
But, I think what it kinda boils down to is that my partner isn't here to bounce ideas off... (I know, though, that he'd encourage me to do what I wanted to do) And, whatever I take on is pretty much all mine... can't share with him the way I did before.
The other day I was walking and I was thinking about new puppy and I was reminded (as if Harv was right there in my head) of a time before we got Raney and he said "There's never a convenient time to get a puppy." Which kinda made me smile. 'Cause that's true.
Maybe Raney and I need a little levity and puppiness in our house right now.