Returning to the nest

Any other mothers out there who have a difficult time coming back home from a trip? Unstated and perhaps unrealistic expectations of how things are gonna be upon your return? I excel at that. I'm not sure what I'm expecting, but I'm pretty sure my expectations are always way over the top. And, because of that, I often fail to notice the things that HAVE been done.

I think especially after a long, lovely trip which was basically free of responsibility it is hard to come back to the nest. And, truthfully,  this time I had a few things on my mind in addition to why the dishwasher had not been unloaded and reloaded.

But I goofed yesterday. Feelings were hurt. I accidentally broke the lawn mower while trying to cut the grass. I went to bed a little grumpy. Woke up with sore jaws from grittin' my teeth.

It's all so silly.

I kinda think there are other things on our minds. I know that my mind is full. 

Should I take the espresso maker with me when I go? Should I hurry out and get Harv some new pajamas and a new bathrobe today? (YES!!) Remind me to cancel the hotel reservation 'cause I have a free place to stay. What clothes am I gonna take? Should we carry Harv's suitcase into the hospital when we check him in or do we have to wait until they give him a room? Remind me to get Raney's meds before we leave town. We're almost outta milk. I need another cup of coffee. Gotta remember to take myself a bottle of rosé.  Will there be wireless where I'm going? I wasn't very nice yesterday. (followed by defensiveness and an explanation -- in my head) The veggie man is gonna deliver our vegetables today...gotta remember to leave the $ for him. What are we gonna have for dinner tonight? Gotta remember S & H's dr. appt. this afternoon. Have to call insurance today to check on the procedure if he needs to stay longer. What are the girls gonna eat for meals while I'm gone?  How is Raney gonna do all this week? My head hurts. I don't want Harv to have to have surgery on his liver. The feeling inside of me is the same feeling I have when I'm gettin' ready to fly on an airplane -- before I take a pill to "take the edge off." I am sure this surgery is a good thing -- and I'm still nervous about it.  I wanna do what I wanna do.

The mind is full of a lot more than that...but you kinda get the idea...

Anyway... #1 -- I'm sorry, family (especially Harv) for not being as appreciative as I should've been.

#2 -- Reckon I'm a little "on edge" and could use a fair bit of prayer for peace.

#3 -- Thank you all! ♥

This week

I am still soakin' up some Georgia goodness and I am SO thankful that I've been able to take this trip. I'm ready to see my family, but I'm not quite ready to leave. 

This morning I noticed an alert that the FAA has had to furlough some air traffic controllers and some flights will most likely be delayed. They didn't mention any flights to Seattle in the alerts, but I am seriously hopin' that will not be an issue. So, if you don't mind sayin' a little prayer, I'd appreciate that.

Also, I get home on Tuesday afternoon and we will head down to Seattle on Wednesday. Thursday is the day that Dr. Park will rid Harv's body of a little bit more cancer. Enter the second prayer request.... please pray that Harv's liver is healthy enough to remove a whole bunch of cancer... Dr. Park will only be able to be as aggressive as the liver dictates -- the healthier the liver, the more aggressive. The less healthy the liver, the less aggressive with surgery. 

We have some plans for the rest of the spring and the summer and we need Harv to be able to participate fully.  So, we would like him to heal quickly and thoroughly. (That's the third prayer request.)

This trip to Georgia has been very good for me. My friends, Carol and Matt, helped my visit start out just right. Time with Laura and Mary has been really fun, too.  (It included a photo shoot, strawberry pickin', eatin', drinkin', laughin', a teeny bit of sisterly annoyances, long car rides, antiquin' and other fun.). Thankful! Thankful! Thankful!!

Every time I want to say "thank you" to all of you, I try to come up with a new way to say it, but I can't.  So...please accept this not-very-creative way of sayin' how much we all appreciate your love and support. We love you.

Slight change of plans...

Harvey met with Dr. Park, the surgeon, yesterday for about and hour and a half.  (I'm in Georgia soakin' up my roots.) He took good notes and I'm just gonna copy and paste what he learned.

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- Harv is a good candidate for surgery, so that is an answer to prayer. (Only 10% of patients with metastatic colorectal cancer are good candidates for surgery, because of various risks including tumor location within the liver.)

- Survival rates for the surgery itself are very high. As recently as the 1990s, the survival rate was only 80%, but nowadays it's practically 100%.

- The surgery will be done in two phases, to minimize risk of liver failure or the cancer spreading. (Surgery has an immuno-suppressive effect, and on top of that Harv's chemo must be temporarily halted after the surgery, so doing too much at once may be too risky.)

- The first phase will be April 25th, and will remove tumors in the left side of the liver. If the liver looks healthy, more tumors will be removed. If the liver looks like it has deteriorated from the chemotherapy, Dr Park will be less aggressive and only remove a few of the easier-accessed tumors.

- The surgery will not be laproscopic; there'll be a fairly long incision instead.

- After that surgery, there will be about 2 months of recovery time before the second surgery. Chemo, probably in mild form, will be re-introduced during that recovery period.

- The second surgery will remove the right half of the liver.

- There had been some discussion about the possibility of embedding radioactive beads at the time of surgery; however Dr. Park feels that would be too traumatic to the liver.

- After some period of recovery from the second surgery, chemo will resume, and possibly external radiation. 

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This week I'm in Georgia visiting my good college friend and her husband...followed by a visit with my sisters. I've learned, as I get older, that there is something healing about going "home."  I kinda "get" what Scarlett felt about Tara.  It's pretty special.

You people are pretty special, too... Thank you for supporting us and for praying for us all.

We love you.

What the deal is...

It's a little over a week until Harv's surgery (April 25th)... We are excited and a bit nervous... and HOPEFUL.

Harv has come a very long way since he was diagnosed. His numbers are way better. And, in what I think is sort of a miraculous way, he has not experienced severe side effects from the chemo that he's had. The surgery he had last year on his colon was a boost to his health, too.

Unfortunately, there is a tumor (or multiple tumors) in his liver. One of those is kinda big. 

At our last visit, Dr. Lin told us that, since there wasn't a great improvement in that tumor from the chemo he had most recently, we've most likely reached the maximum benefit from chemo. There comes a time, Dr. Lin says, when the tumors are resistant to the chemo. He said that the largest tumor in the liver is "hunkered down" and holdin' on tight and us trying to fight it from the outside isn't really working. That's why surgery is important. And, thankfully, Dr. Park believes that there's enough margin to remove that ugly sucker! 

The plan is to cut that tumor out...Well, actually, the plan is to remove the whole right side of his liver. (Interestingly, that surgery will be done laproscopically.)  And, then we will wait for him to heal and for his liver to regenerate. After a time, he will go back on (probably) oral chemo. And, the likelihood is that he will be on some form of chemo forever. (BTW, the oral chemo + Celebrex is what Dr. Lin is calling "maintenance chemo" -- which keeps the tumors that have gotten smaller from growing.)

The hope is that he will be able to have another surgery later to remove the smaller tumor(s) in the liver...which are on the left side of his liver.

It is encouraging that the treatment he's had so far has had enough of an impact to do surgery on the liver. There was  a time when the surgeon didn't want to take a risk with surgery. It is also encouraging that in December of 2011 we didn't know what our future held... we didn't know what April of 2013 would look like. 

It's not lookin' too bad. He's got a little ways to go before we can slow down our doctor visits, but it is not lookin' bad at all. 

We are very, very thankful for all kinds of things -- excellent children who make our lives happier, excellent friends who have stepped in many a time to fill in the gaps when something needed to happen and who have just been available, friends who have prayed for us throughout this journey-we-wish-we-were-not-taking, family who have supported us, amazingly excellent medical staff (both in Bellingham and Seattle) who seem to know and enjoy what they're doing, and a God who has held us in his hands throughout this trip...  

We don't know what the future looks like, but we are trusting in the goodness of God regardless of what it looks like.

SO! Please begin now to pray for:

• a successful removal of all of the largest tumor and the surrounding area that might be holdin' some teeny weensy cancer cells.
• fast healing from the surgery.
• fast liver regrowth with healthy new cells.
• happy healing time at home (you know -- pleasant patient and pleasant caregiver :-)  )

Thank you all -- for loving our family. 

We love you, too!

Hey y'all -- Sorry to keep you hangin' ... Harv's CT scan didn't show much change --- neither shrinkage or growth. He'll be on maintenance chemo (oral) for a week, then off for a week and then surgery. Dr. Lin believes that whatever good the "big guns" chemo was gonna do it has done... so now it's time to cut the yucky out of his liver. And, then... we'll see what needs to happen next. All in all a good meeting. Lookin' forward to gettin' rid of a big hunk of cancer. Love you people!

Today is the pre-surgery CT scan. Praying that the last round of chemo made a significant difference and has left a wider margin around the tumors than before.

Upcoming

This week we have been so thankful to be able to get away to one of our favorite spots -- Kalaloch, WA. It's quiet, wide open fresh air. No tv, no real telephone and very limited Internet... Lots of "boring" and full of refreshment!!

Since we've been here, we have found out that Harv DOESN'T, in fact, have to have chemo on the 8th, but he WILL have a pre-surgery CT scan. We had thought that the scan would be done on the 16th when he goes to UW medical center for his pre-surgery appt. Dr. Park would like it earlier,though, so it's gonna happen on Monday. (We are very happy about no chemo, btw!)

Please pray for a "beautiful" CT scan. Please pray that these next few weeks before surgery will be weeks where Harv feels strong and healthy.

And, please pray for our family that we all feel strong and healthy --- all the way around. Please pray that the time at Kalaloch strengthens us and renews us for the time ahead.

Thank you for your support and for being there for us all...in many ways.

We love you!!