Am I the only one?

 

I've been lookin' around and I'm not so sure how you other mamas are doin' it.... 

All of you people who have children about the same age as my girls look so relaxed and totally comfortable with how your children are growing up. You seem to be coasting quite nicely as they explore the world and travel to far away places. I don't sense any nostalgia in your voices when you describe their upcoming adventures.  It seems as if you've navigated these waters before and that you've moved easily from the "mothering" to the "peer" stage.

Me?

I'm trying. Seriously. I really am. I see them do "grown up" things and I'm proud of and happy for their accomplishments. I'm amazed at how they've been able to seamlessly move from teenager to young adult and plain ol' adult with very little difficulty. I see them act with maturity and good common sense and intelligence in multiple and varied situations.

I am currently watching them become very independent -- which is what we've been working on for 20 years. Afterall, that's what parents are supposed to do...teach their children NOT to need them.

But, here I am... excited for their new independence and adventures while secretly (but not very) wishing they needed me a little bit... Watching them expand their social and professional lives in new directions and being very happy for them -- and longing for the olden days when we'd all just sit around and BE together -- not having to go to work, not having to meet somebody for a social engagement, not traveling without me to bold and daring places.

I am well aware that I became independent from my parents. I traveled a little bit. I got a job and moved away from home. I spent time socializing with people and, in many ways, friends became the priority.  And then when I got married and moved across the country, it became harder to make family time happen. But I was not the mother. So... everything was fine.

Now, however, I'm lookin' around at my friends whose children are growing and moving in similar ways to my girls... and I'm just wondering... am I the only one who is struggling with the letting go thing?

When does a mama get comfortable with all the grown-up-ness and the not-needing-to-be-with-me-as-much?  What are your tricks for feeling balanced in the midst of so much change?

Do I ever get to the plain "happy" and not selfish stage?

I'm guessing that it all becomes more normal... Sure am hopin' so. 😊