Memorial Service

We will have a memorial service for Harvey on Sunday, October 11th at 4:00 p.m. at First Presbyterian Church, Bellingham. We are celebrating that he's no longer sick...and so sad he's no longer here with us.

Today I began to notice that reality is slowly seeping in through tasks that must be done and the fact that I can't ask Harv to help me. 

This stage of the game is not something I feel good at, but we'll make it.

Thank you so much for the many ways you've made this journey less of a burden.

Much love to you all... 

FYI

For those of you who are wondering... 

We are thinking of a memorial service on Sunday, October 11th here in Bellingham... I cannot give you a definite date because we are waiting to confirm that. I believe it will be fine, but don't make travel plans if you're concerned it may change. 

I should know on Monday if it will be a "go" and what time the service will be.

That is Canadian Thanksgiving weekend and I think Monday, the 11th is Columbus Day for those of you who might get that day off work.

We love you, we love you, we love you... 

Un-freakin'-believable how good you are to us.

I will update as soon as I have a specific date and time.

His spirit soars...

My good husband is no longer sick.

We have a hole in our lives.

Thankful for much but still filled with sadness.

Many thanks for holding us up.

Lots of love to you all.

-Carrie, Celeste, Anthony, Sarah and Hannah
(and all of our family)

Tonight we move to Hospice House. We don't know how long he has, but we think it's the right move.

Because of Harvey's confusion/disorientation and because he's unsteady on his feet and we have stairs everywhere... I think it's time to have someone help me take care of him... He said "okay" when I explained things to him, but I think he's still processing everything...

While this feels like the right move, it also seems surreal. Whose life IS this? Surely my good husband Harvey is not near the end of his life! Surely I am not going to be a 53 year old widow. Surely our children are not going to lose their father... This can't be OUR life...

I know that there's no way for me to understand what's going to be on the other side of letting Harvey go... I know that I want him to stop being sick. I know that there aren't any good options. I also know that even though we'll grieve a lot and we will have a giant hole in our lives, we will be okay.

Thank you for praying for us...for loving us...

We love you.

Update

Harv continues to be more confused and disoriented. He catches himself sometimes and realizes that what he's saying doesn't really connect... but sometimes he doesn't know it. He is sleeping most of the day. He gets up in the night about 3 times to drink a glass of milk.  His mind seems to be whirling all the time and that's where I think the confusion comes in... He's never really sure what time it is and sometimes he has dreams that seem very real.

Yesterday the nurse came and checked his blood pressure, heart rate and oxygen  & all were good. She seemed to think he was pretty aware even though she witnessed some of his confusion. So... I kinda felt better about that, but he really didn't sleep very well through the night. He came to get me once or twice and then I'm pretty sure he got up on his own once... 

Hospice nurse comes again tomorrow. I'll have a few questions for her.

He's still Harv in there somewhere, but he's also not. 

I don't know what the next steps will be or when they will happen. I will just do the best I can with the information I have and hope for a peaceful transition when the time comes... (Kinda makes me sick to say that.)

Every day somebody does something sweet for us... Sometimes it's cookies during the Seahawks game. Sometimes a friend sits with Harv while I run errands. Sometimes it's somebody bringin' the good kinda ice for Harv to crunch. Sometimes it's a text or a card or a Facebook message... People do my laundry and walk my dog and clean my house... People take my garbage to the street... And help me with the yard. People bring me food and wine and visit with me. People do wonderful things for our children. How does a person ever express how grateful they are for that kinda goodness?! 

I have no idea how to navigate these waters, but I know that I am surrounded -- and my children are surrounded -- by people who will help us...who ARE helping us.

If you're so inclined, please pray that Harvey and I BOTH sleep well tonight and that I can make a wise decision about when the right time is to move Harv to Hospice House. I want to do the right thing for Harv and I want to make a decision that is right for all of us.

Thank you so much for all of your support. How in the WORLD would we do it without you all?

Update

Hard to believe that Celeste's rehearsal was a week ago tonight...and tomorrow she and Anthony will have been married for one whole week!  Woo hoo!

As for Harv this week, we have changed his meds to a long acting pain med twice a day and he has not needed any pain meds for breakthrough pain. The nurse came yesterday and asked what his pain level was and he said "zero." So that's good.

He has slept quite a bit. He gets up in the morning and has a small bowl of cereal and then goes back to bed around 9:30 or 10:00... And pretty much sleeps until almost dinner time.  Then he's up until bedtime (9:30 or 10:00). He sleeps pretty well at night even though he gets up a couple of times.

When the nurse was here, she took his blood pressure and discovered that it's very low... so he stopped taking his high blood pressure meds and hopefully that will give him a little boost. I kinda think his steroid is helping ever-so-slightly with his appetite. Still doesn't eat much, but wants tastes more often, I think.

His mind is a little fuzzy sometimes and it takes a little longer to process things lately, but he's still alert and occasionally conversational.

When Harv was a young thing, he worked for years at Kumsheen Rafting Resort in Lytton, BC (his hometown, for those of you who don't already know.) If you haven't been to Kumsheen, I recommend that you check it out next summer. Anyway! They're having a big reunion this weekend. He really wanted to go. He was really looking forward to seein' all his old buddies. After the nurse's visit yesterday, though, we decided it was just too big of an event followed very soon after a very big event. She thought it was a bit too much to tackle for now.

SO! All you Kumsheen people! Know that Harvey loves you! And, even though he's not into Skype-ing, he is with you in spirit...and has very fond memories of those river-raftin' days!!! Thank you all for all of the fun and the great memories you have provided for him. 

Many blessings to all of you people out there!

Lots of love!

Wedding Weekend

We had a lovely wedding weekend.... Harv figured out the correct timing of his meds so that he had enough energy for the festivities... His brother brought a tent and a reclining camping chair so that he could "escape" when necessary. The setting was lovely, the ceremony was very sweet and the party was lots of fun.

A few pics:

Just before the father's first look. :-)

Harv walked S & H down the aisle, too!

❤️

A perfect day for a wedding! 

 

Thankful for the fun weekend... Thankful for the family and friends who made it so special.

Thankful for the rest this week...

Continued prayers appreciated.... Sarah and Hannah move to their dorm on Saturday!

Love to you all!

 Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for this day... Thank you for the wedding of Celeste and Anthony. Thank you for all of the people who can be with us today...and for those who are with us in their hearts...and for those who are in OUR hearts.

I thank you for all the people who have helped put this day together in so many different ways. Behind the scenes and up front. 

I thank you for Celeste and Anthony -- that they have each found a best friend in each other and that they have found a partner in life as well. I ask that you strengthen their current bond each day and that all of life's little journeys  -- the easy ones and the hard ones -- only deepen their commitment to each other. Please remind them every day that they, together as a couple and as individuals, should move forward... "From this day forward..." Not holding onto hurts of the day before but pushing forward in their commitment to each other.

I ask, Father, that this day -- and all the days following -- be full of joy. That we celebrate all the good things and cherish all the many parts of our lives that make us who we are today. 

Strengthen us all. 

With much gratitude for all you have done and all you will do.

-Amen.

There's not a lot of news to report from the past few days... I think we've kinda found a good pain resolution for the time being. Harv's still not eating much and rests a good portion of the day, but he's alert and conversational when he's up.

People continue to amaze us with their love and generosity... I'm not kiddin'... in ways too numerous to count.

Pre-wedding festivities start Wednesday evening. And, then just a few more days after that until the wedding. Continued prayers for strength and energy for Harv during those days are appreciated.

Not a lot of words from me today. We love you. 

A lot.

Peace to us all.

Dear All The Wonderful People in My Life,

My mother taught me to write thank you notes. My sister, Laura, was an amazing thank you note writer. I have tried to teach my children the same thing. I try to be good and Southern and polite and follow proper etiquette. 

But here's the truth... There is just so much goodness that I can't keep up. And, when I should be writing thank you notes, I kinda need to eat, or sleep or sit quietly and re-group.

So, would you all please accept this teeny weensy "thank you" as a GIANT "thank you?"  Would you try to imagine me huggin' your neck for bein' so good to us all? Please know that we TRULY are thankful even if you don't actually receive a note in the mail from me. I can't even get over how many creative ways you are being good to us. A cleaning coordinator? A dog walking coordinator? WOW! Applesauce made with our apples? Our laundry picked up and dropped off?!  Goodness gracious! And, there's more, too. Notes. Emails.  Cannot even name 'em all.

We are so grateful. Way beyond any words or gestures... Deeply, deeply grateful.

We love you.