Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Open Road

The other day I was trying to explain my jumbled-up feelings about God to a friend of mine. In the midst of that explanation, I realized that it wasn’t even the details of the event that bothered me. It occurred to me that what disturbed me very deeply was that God wasn’t being who I thought He was.

It made me begin to doubt not only God, but all things “God-related.” And yet, while I questioned, there was still a thread that connected me to the God I had believed in forever. That thread has always remained, even in the midst of my cynicism.

And, yesterday, as I continued to process the whole mess that’s been in my brain for all these years, I began to see that the fact that, many years ago God wasn’t being who I thought He was, just confirmed for me the thing I’ve come to love about him – He doesn’t fit in a box. He’s bigger than He used to be. He has bigger plans that include more people than just me.

Today our county woke up to flooded roadways and farmland. Schools are closed. Roads are closed.

For many years, I feel like I’ve had "closed roadways" in my heart. The roads that would’ve connected me more closely to the God I love have been blocked.

Yesterday, the floods began to recede and the roadways to my heart started to open up.


Harvey Chute said...

I love you. Thanks for being truthful and authentic. That takes courage.

Zuneamama said...

I think you should buy a "happy light!" Maybe even more than one.